On the outside looking in. It's a well known expression. One of the first I learned, and certainly one of the first I ever understood.
Why?
Because it perfectly defines me.
There is no one like me. That isn't pride or presumption, nor is it arrogance... it is fact.
The only Kimera/Human hybrid in existence. I am the last scion of an extinct race. I was different from the initial moment of my conception to this, my probable death in a hidden chamber in a volcano about to erupt.
At least I got Street to leave. I'm glad about that. She kind of understands what I've felt like all my like - she's different too. With one major difference, though. She is human.
I know Ha'gel changed my physiology to fully human, but he couldn't change me. I don't know how to be fully human, I never will. Remembering my parents' childhood is not the same as having one of my own. A couple of hours of accelerated growth in the lair under St. Michaels will never be able to compare to what could have been... what should have been.
I don't have childhood memories, I don't have childhood friends. School, college... what is that? I was born fully mature and given the adult body that knowledge required, but the gaps in what should have been my history are something I've never fully been able to overcome.
I've adapted. I've worked hard to do the right thing. I've worked hard to fit in.
I've never quite managed it.
I've seen the odd looks and the confused glances when there were things said that 'I just didn't get'. I had no references to fall back on... I was always a little off. Humans are not idiots - much as some of the Taelons might have wished otherwise. They can usually sense when there is something not quite right.
Like me.
By looks, by deeds and by knowledge I'm an adult.
My literal age - by human standards - makes me a child.
To my way of thinking, I'm both, and that is why I've spent my entire life 'on the outside looking in'.
Pressure's building... this thing is about to blow.
Is this the end? I don't know why, but I don't think so. Maybe it's the end of my time with humanity. I'll miss them... but I think I've learned what Ha'gel wanted me to.
Is this where I get led on the next steps along the path of my destiny?
Whatever happens, I'm content. I've done all that I could for the Taelons and Jaridians and for humanity. The rest I leave to them...
That sound... I think it's starting...