Liam took a deep breath and entered the hospital room. Inwardly he gave a sigh of relief, Sandoval looked so much better. Outwardly he kept his face impassive. He had to.
Augur and Renee had been with him when he had received the call that Sandoval wanted to see him at the hospital. Was his secret compromised? Renee had been yelling at him all morning for risking himself in such a manner; after the recent betrayal he was far too important to be risked. Liam had just blocked her out, his mind too full of the recent betrayals by two of the beings he trusted most in the world. If he'd been compromised, he'd deal with it. Sandoval was alive, and in the past week that was the only good thing that had happened to Liam.
Sandoval was sitting up, talking to Dr. Curzon, as he entered. He acknowledged Liam with a wave of his hand as he finished his conversation with the doctor.
She passed Liam with a curious expression on her face. He had been the only visitor Sandoval had received. She hadn't expected any Taelons - Sandoval had been vague in his description of his illness to them; she had expected maybe one or two of his FBI colleagues to pay him a visit. They hadn't. The only person who had seemed concerned at all had been Major Kincaid.
She remembered his vigil of the previous evening. He had come in with an unreadable expression on his face and spent most of the evening in the hospital. He hadn't spoken to anyone, though she had heard him murmur what sounded like 'Oh Thank God' when she had pronounced Sandoval out of danger. He had then spent the next hour standing outside Sandoval's room, just watching him sleep. Something was going on there, and she had no idea what. Somehow she got the feeling it was something between the two that should be left just as it was, between them, no idle speculation on her part; it felt like she was intruding.
Sandoval spoke first.
"Ah, Major, thank you for stopping by. I wanted to commend your recent performance as my deputy. I have reviewed the rest of the reports from my absence, and you have carried out your temporary duties well. I have taken under consideration your remark about your security clearance and in light of recent events, concede that you do have a point. I have raised the matter and hope to have confirmation of your new security clearance soon. I shall keep you appraised."
Shocked, Liam simply said thank you. Was that it? Had he and Augur and Renee been fretting for nothing? Then Sandoval spoke again, and rocked his world.
"I have an assignment for you, Major... Well, that's not entirely accurate; I have a favour to ask of you, Major."
Cautiously, Liam responded by saying, "What type of favour?"
Sandoval rubbed a nervous hand over his cheek and said, "As you are aware, Major, it was only by the anonymous donation of some compatible blood that Dr. Curzon was able to treat my condition. She has informed me that it was a perfect first degree match and that can only mean that somewhere out there and unknown to me I have a child, a son. I want - no, I need - to find him. I'm asking for your assistance, Major. This is entirely unofficial and I have no authority to make you do this, but I am asking for your help. Will you do this, will you carry out the search? I want this kept quiet and you are the only person I trust to help me."
Liam stood there speechless. He hadn't expected this. "I understand your need to find your son, and I appreciate the trust you have placed in me. I will help - but on two conditions. You let me do this in my own way, no interference. Also, depending on what I find, it might be the case that to tell you would be to endanger the child. If that is the case, I reserve the right to refuse to tell you what I find until I can be sure that no danger exists to the child and those that have cared for him. Do you agree to these conditions?"
Sandoval looked at Liam and there was a long silent pause as neither moved a muscle. Finally Sandoval nodded his agreement. Tired, he said he was going to get some rest, so Liam took his leave.
Liam wandered aimlessly after leaving the hospital, thinking hard. What should he do? The best way to ensure his safety was to lead Sandoval along but control the flow of information and make sure he never learned the whole truth.
Sighing, he entered a park and sat down on one of the benches. Gazing out across the expanse of grass, he saw families on picnics and enjoying themselves. A feeling of intense longing swept across him; he wanted that, he wanted to belong. He wanted an acknowledged connection, a tie of blood. Was it too much to wish for? Liam came to a decision.
He wouldn't tell Renee and Augur about Sandoval's request. All he would do was mention the talk of his upgrade in security clearance. As for that request... he'd go slow, he'd get to know Sandoval, he'd feel out his intentions; and then, if he felt it was worth the chance, he'd tell Sandoval the truth.
Would it be worth the risk? He hoped so with all his heart.
Liam woke up with a start and gave a frightened gasp, the nightmare once again disturbing his sleep. He fell back onto his pillows with a groan and stared up at the ceiling, knowing he'd get no more sleep that night. It had been over a week since he and Zo'or had had their little adventure, but the dreams just wouldn't go away.
Giving up on even the pretence of sleep, Liam got up and padded around his apartment making himself some hot chocolate, thinking fondly of Lili as he did so. She had been right; it was the best comfort food in existence.
Liam put only one small light on and dropped into his big comfortable chair, curled up and sat sipping the chocolate, pondering the state of his life. He'd almost died - again - and it had brought home all the things he still had unfinished in his life; Sandoval being the biggest thing of all. He'd not really provided Sandoval with much in the way of information, but it hadn't really mattered. There was a thaw developing in their relationship, at least the one outside of work - it was tentative, but trust was beginning to form.
Liam sighed. If things had turned out differently last week he would have died without ever having the chance to talk to Sandoval as a son to a father. He had to do something, but what? He didn't want to risk destroying this newly growing friendship he and Sandoval had started, but he wanted to tell him the truth.
Then an idea crossed his mind. Liam smiled. It was worth a try.
Sandoval looked up from his global at the sound of footsteps to see Liam approaching him with a speculative look in his eyes. Liam paused and engaged him in some idle conversation, while circumspectly opening his global so that Sandoval could see a message displayed on it. The message said 'The favour. New information. Tonight, my apartment, 9pm.'
Sandoval's eyes widened in shock, but he nodded his understanding.
That night, Sandoval knocked on Liam's door with great trepidation. What had the Major found?
Liam opened the door and stepped aside to let Sandoval in. He took the seat that Liam indicated and glanced at Liam with an expectant expression.
Liam sighed. This was harder than he had thought it would be. He went over to the table and picked up a sealed envelope. Sandoval blinked as Liam placed it in his hands, telling him not to open it just yet. Liam sat opposite him and looked him directly in the eye.
"Ron, the letter you are holding is from your son."
"What!"
"Sandoval, would you calm down and listen for a moment? Thank you! Okay, pay attention. Like I said, the letter is from your son. You won't learn anything about his identity from the contents and it was printed from an untraceable terminal, so you can't trace it that way. Your son wants to have a little talk with you, but he's laid down some conditions in there. Read it. I'll be at the Embassy. If when you're done you accept the conditions, come and tell me whenever you are ready and I'll arrange things from there."
Liam gave Sandoval's shoulder a gentle squeeze before he left the stunned man to the most important correspondence of his life.
Hi, Dad.I hope you're not too annoyed about this form of communication, but for now I'm afraid it's all I will risk. I hope you understand.
How do I put into words what I feel? This is probably the riskiest decision of my life, but I want us to know one another. If you only knew the potential ramifications, your heart would be full of the same concerns as mine.
As you may gather I'm your son, but I'm not exactly a little child. There is an explanation, but that's for another time. I've had a good life and I have been well looked after. The reason for this circumspect form of communication is that some of the people that looked after me had Resistance ties. I won't put them in danger. Until I can be sure that you will not take action against them, then we can never meet face to face.
You're wondering, I'm sure, why was your life was saved if they have Resistance ties and you work for the Taelons? That choice was mine. When I was told about your illness I couldn't not help you; no matter my opinions of your job you are my father and I couldn't let you die.
It is strange to me that I can hate the things your job has made you do, but that I simply cannot find it in my heart to hate you. I guess it's simply the unconditional love of a child for his father, and whether or not you ever accept it or me, my feelings won't change.
Now to the part where things get complicated. (I know what you're thinking - like they are simple now!)
I know all about your life, your late wife, the fact that you wear her ring, all of that. Bear with me, Dad. I know I'm rambling a bit here, but this isn't easy for me either. Part of my heritage - thanks to those that took care of me - is Irish, and that's why I mentioned your wife's ring. Have you ever seen a Claddagh, Dad? It is an ancient Irish design encompassing a heart surmounted by a crown and clasped within a pair of hands. The hands represent friendship, the crown is loyalty and obviously, the heart is love.
They are traditionally exchanged between family members or couples in love. The young couples wear them with the heart pointing in to signify that their heart belongs to another. I digress. Above anything I else I want to have a relationship with you that embodies those three things: friendship, loyalty and love.
When you know in your heart that you can keep my terms, tell Liam and he will arrange a meeting. My hope and my prayer is that some day you will wear a gift from me on your other hand. A ring with the sentiment to match your love for your late wife. A gift of love from your son.
I know I've given you a lot to think about, so I will be patient. Liam knows what I've asked and he will not push you to your decision. If and when you are ever ready to take the next step, he will be waiting.
No matter what happens, I do love you.
Your son.
Sandoval sat there with a single tear running down his cheek. He had a great deal to think about.
Liam looked up from the console he was working at on the bridge of the mothership. Sandoval was back. It had been about ten days since he'd given Sandoval the letter and he had no idea what was going on in his father's head. Sandoval had requested a leave of absence for a few days and that had been followed by a trip to Australia to co-ordinate a programme for Zo'or; this was the first chance he'd had to see him since that night.
Sandoval never even acknowledged his presence and Liam felt his heart plummet. Was Sandoval going to ignore the letter entirely?
The implant made his report to the Synod leader with his usual dispassionate tone and was excused to return to duty. Liam concentrated on his console, he didn't trust himself to speak right now.
Sandoval passed him and whispered softly, "I agree to the terms, Liam. My office in an hour."
Liam gave a slight nod of his head to indicate he understood. His heart began to pound so loudly he thought it amazing that nobody seemed to notice his sudden nervousness. His life was about to change dramatically.
With his heart in his mouth Liam walked into Sandoval's office. He directed a questioning glance at the implant as he asked, "Are you sure?"
Sandoval gave a shaky smile and said, "I'm sure, Liam. How long will this meeting take to arrange?"
Liam was anxious to get this over with; one way or another, this matter would be settled tonight.
"My apartment at ten. Is that too soon?"
Sandoval appeared slightly astonished at the speed of the meeting, but agreed to be there.
Liam was pacing nervously back and forth when he jumped at the sudden knock at his door. He was here.
Liam took a deep breath. He could do this, he could!
He opened the door and let Sandoval enter. He noticed him glancing round in expectation and then the confused expression on his face when he realised they were alone.
Sandoval turned to him and said, "I don't understand, Liam. Where is he? You said he'd be here."
Liam closed the door and leaned back against it for support. God, this was hard. He whispered softly, "He is here."
Sandoval gave him a confused look.
Taking a deep breath, Liam spoke the words that would change his life. "Dad, sit down. This is going to take a while."
"What?!" exclaimed Sandoval. "Don't be ridiculous, Liam. This isn't funny."
Liam gave a sigh. "Do I look like I'm laughing? Please, just listen."
His eyes stormy, Sandoval dropped into the nearest seat, his entire demeanour screaming his disbelief. Liam swallowed nervously. Where to start?
"Sandoval, I am your son. I am. I know I'm not what you were expecting, but it is the truth."
Sandoval snarled, "You're a grown man, Liam, don't be ridiculous. What you are claiming is patently absurd!"
Liam swore under his breath. Did he have to be so pig-headed?! "Sandoval, would you please calm down! You need to hear this and I need to say it."
Sandoval jumped to his feet, obviously intending to leave. Liam jumped up to block him. No way! This would be settled tonight; he didn't have the strength in him to do this again. Sandoval attempted to brush past him and Liam grabbed hold of his arm and held him in place.
Liam hissed for him to stand still, grabbed one of his hands, and forced Sandoval's palm to his own. This wasn't the way he wanted to do this, but if Sandoval wouldn't listen then he'd show him another way!
Sandoval tried to struggle, but then he began to see what Liam was trying to show him. It was true. Unbelievably, impossibly, it was true. Abruptly Liam let go of him and turned away. He heard him say in a pained voice, "Leave if you want. You don't have to stay on my account. I know I'm not what you wanted."
Sandoval stood there silently for a long moment. He could go and pretend this never happened; it would be awkward, but he could do it. Or he could stay and face the truth.
Well, he'd never walked away from anything difficult in his life, and he certainly wasn't going to walk away from this. Sandoval approached Liam and placed a hand on his back, feeling him shudder as he did so. Sandoval said, "I'll listen. Tell me the rest, please, Liam."
Liam walked to the window and looked out. He refused to look at Sandoval, but softly, in a resigned tone, he laid out the rest of his story. Sandoval listened to Liam as he laid out the astonishing truth about his life. His conception, his birth, his accelerated growth. Liam's voice filled with grief as he talked about Beckett.
Sandoval sighed; it explained so much. And now the scene in the cave made much more sense. He had arrived in time to witness Liam saying goodbye to his mother.
He listened to it all in silence, and then Liam came to his discovery of the nature of his illness.
"...I couldn't let you die. No matter what you've tried to do to me in the past, you are my only surviving parent."
Silence descended.
Liam didn't move from his position and Sandoval remained rooted to his seat. He was sitting there realising the truth. He'd always recognised somehow that he felt a connection of sorts to Liam. It was so obvious now; why hadn't he seen it? More to the point, he'd tried to kill his son on more than one occasion! How could he ever be forgiven?
Then there was the letter, the wonderful loving letter. He'd read it countless times since he'd been given it by Liam, little realising that it had been Liam that wrote it. The reason for the caution in that letter was now all too apparent, but he'd felt the truth in that letter too. His son loved him and wanted to know him. Liam had written that, he had lain his heart out plainly for him to see. He'd taken the risk of rejection, knowing full well his father's likely reaction to the true identity of his son. It had taken an act of great character and courage to do what Liam had done.
He'd have to be as honest; to do any less would be to diminish Liam's honesty and he couldn't do that to him, he just couldn't.
Finally Sandoval spoke. He sensed Liam tensing at the window and saw him standing there, shoulders braced for a rejection. "This has come as a shock, and to deny that I don't know quite what to say or do would be pointless. What I do know is this: I'm glad you told me, Liam; thank you. This has been the bravest thing I've ever witnessed.
"I want to think about what I say next. Can you give me some time, please? I've treasured your letter since the day you gave it to me and I think what I want to say should be written out as honestly as you talked to me. Give me this night to think. I know that's asking a lot, but I think it's the right thing. I know you've risked so much in telling me, but can you grant me this one last request?"
Tentatively, Liam said, "You're not going to leave?"
"No, Liam, I'm not going to leave. Can I stay here tonight?... Good. I've got some thinking to do, and some writing. As ironic as this sounds, I'm going to be a father right now and tell my son to go to bed. You look drained. Rest. We'll talk in the morning, I promise."
Liam gave a half-hearted grin at Sandoval's sending him to bed. Smilingly shyly at his father, he said, "Good night, Dad."
Sandoval smiled. He approached Liam and placed a gentle hand on his cheek as he said, "Good night, son."
Liam went to his bed and Sandoval sat there in the living room lost in thought. Finally he put pen to paper and began to write.
Liam woke as he heard the soft footfall of Sandoval leaving his bedroom. Looking round, he spotted what he was looking for on his bedside table: the letter. Taking a deep breath, Liam sat up and reached out for the letter, knowing full well that its contents were going to redefine his life.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and murmured a soft plea that it contained what he hoped for. With shaking fingers, he opened it and began to read.
Liam,To say the revelations of last evening have left me a little shaken would be an understatement. They do explain a great deal, though. I always felt an instinctive recognition, that there was something about you, something I should know.
Please bear with me as I work through my feelings here.
My first reaction is rage - not at you, though, never at you. My rage is at Ha'gel; how dare he use me like that! On the other hand, he used me and he used Beckett because the feelings between us were there to begin with.
I've always dreamed of having a child, but had resigned myself to the likelihood that I would never be a father, not with my current lifestyle. Then I became ill. My illness forced me to take a long hard look at my life when I thought I was going to die. I have to say it made for a sorry picture. I had nobody who would mourn my passing, nobody.
Next came my miraculous cure; I had a son! Somewhere out there in the world I had a son, someone who cared about me - why else would he save my life? It changed everything for me, that's why I asked for your help. I had no idea what I would say to this child if you found him, I only knew that deep in my heart I wanted us to meet.
Then came your little bombshell of last evening. I had to face the fact that my son had been right there in front of me the whole time. I've been sitting here thinking about what I've tried to do to you in the time I've known you and wondered how you could ever forgive me, let alone love me. You do though, your letter to me showed me that. For your forgiveness I thank you from the bottom of my heart; but you also say you love me - how do I respond to that?
With joy and wonder, Liam, with joy and wonder. Obviously I had been expecting to find that my child was a small boy, not a fully grown adult. While I mourn the loss of your not having a childhood full of the little things like candy floss, baseball games and snowball fights, I'm happy that you are who you are. How many other fathers get the opportunity to interact with a son the way I'm able to interact with you?
I hope and pray that your feelings about me never change. I've done so many terrible things while working with the Taelons, so many more than even you know about. I can only hope that your forgiveness extends that far. To have your love and lose it might be more difficult than never having had it at all.
There have been reasons for everything I've done, but they are reasons I can't reveal, not even to you. For one thing, it would put you in even more danger than you live in now, working with the Taelons while maintaining Resistance ties. I'm finding the more I think about this that the idea of you being put in danger because of me is something that scares me deeply. I don't want you hurt; I don't think I could live with myself if something happened to you because of me.
So here's a dilemma; will you accept that? Will you accept that I'll still do things you find abhorrent and not tell you the real reason why? Will you accept my need to protect you, at least for now? I hope so.
What I feel in my heart is this: you are my son. That you are who you are makes things a bit surreal, but you are my son. The unconditional love of a child for a parent, that's how you put it in your letter. I guess I'm a parent feeling the same for his child. I've been sitting here all night just thinking about this, about us. My conclusion: strange as this situation is, I've never been happier.
We'll have to be a little circumspect in public, obviously. A friendship between us could actually be quite interesting, though - what do you think? Shall we shake up the status quo of the factions and see what happens? In public, friends. In private, family.
Here's a request from your father. My Claddagh, can it be my first Christmas present from my son? I'd be honoured to wear it. I'll tell you this too. Someday, when we can tell the truth about us to the world, I'll give you a Claddagh too, a gift from your father, with love.
What I'm trying to say is this: I love you too. Now put this letter down and go out and find me and give me a hug - before I wear a path in your floor pacing!
Dad.
Liam laughed and wiped away the tears from his eyes. He felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders; he wasn't alone any more.
Quickly getting dressed, he made his way out to the living room where Sandoval was waiting. He called out, "Dad!"
Sandoval breathed his own sigh of relief that was quickly transformed into a 'whoomph' as Liam gave him a huge bear hug. Laughing, he returned it wholeheartedly. Life, he decided suddenly, was beginning to look really good.